Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
