I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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