In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
