I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
