You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
