North Korea, Best Korea!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize