i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
