so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
