i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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