So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
