ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
