piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
