Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
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