New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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