my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
