dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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