I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize