Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
