Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
