i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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