Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
