good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
