Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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