I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize