p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
