You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
