just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you pee in the oven last night??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize