Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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