my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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