She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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