Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
