He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
