Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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