Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
