Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
