Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
