i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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