At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
