i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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