I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
