fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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