She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
