I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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