I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
