Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
