i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
