it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
