Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize