I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
