woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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