well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
