Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
