He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
