So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my poor anus
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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