Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
