What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize