your parents love me but you hate me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was CRYING into my vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
