you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
