I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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