her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize