can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
