so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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