I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
