conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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