I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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