I just cut my nipple shaving
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
