If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
