did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
only if we run a train.
done.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
