He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
