It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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