69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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