i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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